Raquel’s Story
“Remember what happened to Lot’s wife! If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.” (Luke 17:32-33, NLT)
I remember laying in my bed, my kid next to me had fallen asleep. I was looking through my Instagram stories and I kept seeing many people hang out and have fun with each other. My emotions suddenly got to me and I couldn’t stop from tearing up. I thought to myself, “Why God? Why can’t I have fun too?”
I was irritated and felt so much envy towards others.
Sundays were really the only day I looked forward to because I had church and afterwards, I gathered with my Collective group at HOME. I never went out with friends because I only have 2 close ones and they don’t live in this area. Also, being a single mom at 24 I couldn’t just go out whenever I wanted to anymore.
You might not think this is a big deal, but when God strips you from everything in your life that you were once so used to it can be a hard process. At times I be thinking about certain memories in the past and desiring to go back to that very moment. Desiring to go back to the very thing that almost destroyed me. Yeah… what happened to Lot’s wife ain’t no joke. All I can say is, Lord have MERCY ON ME and RENEW MY MIND (Romans 12:2).
Before I had a kid, I was ALL over the place.
“She was the brash, rebellious type, never content to stay at home.” (Proverbs 7:11, NLT)
During my college years, I would always be out and about with my boyfriend and never satisfied just being on campus. I was barely at home when I did have the chance and always argued a lot with my parents about them not letting me go out too much. Yet, I knew God put a stop to my “life” that day I held that positive pregnancy test. I knew that my blindfold had been taken off my eyes and that my life of jumping from relationship to relationship, disrespecting & hurting others, suicidal thoughts, lust, and sex would be surrendered to Jesus from then on there.
“Rather, it was simply that the Lord loves you, and he was keeping the oath he had sworn to your ancestors. That is why the Lord rescued you with such a strong hand from your slavery and from the oppressive hand of Pharaoh, king of Egypt.” (Deuteronomy 7:8, NLT)
Although, let me just tell you that this “wilderness” stage after God rescues you isn’t what I had in mind AT ALL. I thought it was going to be an easy breeze from then on there.
I was wrong…
I began to feel trapped coming home to my parents’ house every day and to a baby who wanted my attention continuously. I envied other girl’s relationships, just cause I was single. Plus, living with your parents isn’t easy after you had a kid. You’re a mom now, but that DOESN’T STOP your mom from being a mom too! You still must follow their rules and our parenting ideas didn’t always align up. I couldn’t afford a place of my own and I also knew that I needed my parents’ accountability towards me. I would go to work and then come straight back home only to realize the responsibilities I had at home. So, I asked God to PLEASE bring me more of a social life and then the pandemic came.
It’s crazy, yet ironic how God works.
Even though this seemed WORSE in my eyes, this time has brought me CLOSER to my church, family, kid, and most importantly, Jesus. My prayer life has become stronger thanks to my pastor praying via FB live everyday with our church & many others that just want to tune in. Our collective group would pray more even though our gatherings were over zoom.
This lockdown has made me realize that “praying without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17, NLT) is essential with our walk with God.
It’s SO EASY to cave into our emotions and let them dictate our day when we aren’t taking the time to speak with Jesus.
It’s SO EASY to look back at your past and think that you had it better back then.
Yet, I’m thankful for this time because it has led me to renew my mind and help me focus on Jesus alone. It’s helped me to humble myself and not be selfish & pray for others continually, whether I know them or not. It has made me do more for my parents around the house whether I want to or not. It has made me realize how blessed I am to have my kid, even though my patience wears thin, I continue to LEARN how to love him better each day. It has helped me build a better relationship with my mom now that she’s home more. It made me be thankful for my health, a place to live, and be more grateful for just being at home. It has helped me realize the brevity of life and to delight myself with JUST Jesus.
So maybe this quarantine wasn’t what I had in mind for myself, but I thank God that he always gives us what we need, and even more grateful for His correction & love.