Celina’s Story
It was early in the year of 2019 when I found myself in a long process of inner healing from grief, emotional pain, physical pain, bondage of past struggles, and especially my misunderstanding of God`s grace and freely given righteousness. This was after many years of struggles that I stuffed down and, unfortunately, chose to avoid - almost hide at times due to shame and fear surrounding many areas of my life.
The inner healing process took months and years for the Lord to, little-by-little, address different things in my heart through his spirit. BUT, the biggest breakthrough event/encounter leading to healing took place on a trip down to IHOP-KC and UPPERROOM Dallas with a bunch of amazing worship leaders.
We were in a healing service in Kansas City, and they had a guest speaker who the Lord used strongly in the realms of healing. Towards the end of this service, during the ministry time, the speaker said that the Lord wanted to heal hearts and emotions. He specifically addressed struggles of life and in the life of loved ones. Even more specifically, healing from the pain of loss. This was the root of my grief at the time! The loss of my mom from cancer and struggles of other family members I dearly love were heavy on my heart. After this, I started praying in my mind saying, “Lord, You know I need this comfort and healing. I`ll receive it.”
The most stunning thing that happened, though, is that I kept praying and asking lots of questions to the Lord in my mind. Each question I asked was being answered from the altar, through the microphone, as the speaker kept talking and praying without knowing a word of what was going on in my mind. I could not help myself and immediately started sobbing. All this time the Lord was comforting and healing my heart and body from a strong weight of internal pain caused by lost and shame.
The “kicker” happened when the Lord revealed that He knows that I love hugs. (YES, I LOVE HUGS.) And I so badly, simply, wanted a hug from my father or my mom but they weren`t around. So, I said, “Lord I want a hug! My heart is crying out and longing to feel Your presence so strongly that I want to physically feel Your embrace!” Instantly, after that prayer, the grandpa-looking man beside me grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me with tears in his eyes said, “He loves you; your Father loves you.” I felt like the Lord was willing to wipe my tears away - not just in heaven, but right then! Like He was so willing to simply give me a hug and grieve alongside me through this sweet stranger. So, moved in compassion, just like he was when Mary was mourning for Lazarus, He cried with her.
Though my mom did not get resurrected and healed that day like Lazarus did, my body, spirit, and soul did. I understood that God`s compassionate love for me was greater than any struggles I can face, and He is more than willing to walk alongside us and show us a way out. My heart got more in tune to his. The inner and physical weight of pain was slowing lifting. Now, it is no more. And the best part is that now I understand that my right standing before God/righteousness has already been given to me as a gift the moment I said yes to Jesus as my Lord, therefore, I do not need to be ashamed before Him in spite of what I do or don`t do. And that He is more than willing to make the covenant with me to take me in steps of sanctification little-by-little out of a grateful heart to honor Him and take good care of me and others.
His compassion is greater than our struggles and he loves you so much!